Solace in You

Salam.

Tarikh : 25 August 2011
Hari : Thursday
Waktu : 9.53 am


Coretan 6

Recently, I found tranquility and peace of mind in you, words of Allah The Almighty.

Previous excuses I used to give to myself when I was TOO LAZY to read the Quran:

• I always have 'hidung tersumbat' cases


• Lubang hidung sempit, so I can't produce the best dengung, sometimes. can't even produce it


• I'll read it tomorrow, tomorrow, and tomorrow....


• I'll just read one page. At least I read


• I didn't have much time.

However, after being lumbered and saddled with soooo many issues surrounding me and the people around me,slowly but surely I felt like im going to crack. Crack from the Big D, the utter exhaustion, having to satisfied both parties, all of this while still having to put a smile on my face and reassure everyone, mostly myself that everything gonna be Ok.

Don't get me wrong. I never force myself to smile all day, everyday. I like to smile since it is considered as sedekah. People who really really know me know that I usually keep all these pent up emotions and sweep them under the carpet until one day it goes BOOM and you will see me crash and succumb to Big D.

Since my last Big D came visit me last semester, everythings' change. My relationship with people around me, the perception of people about me, my rational thinking and much more. Im tired of crying for no reasons, im tired of being sombre, im tired of getting hurt and hurting others. Im tired of not being able to reach out to people that I care, im tired of people that didn't understand my situation. But did I blame them? Never. I never put any blame on others as I know it is all my fault. Im the one at fault and will always be the one. Big D last visit, I keep on hurting others, and most of all I keep on hurting me with no shoulder to lean on. Why I can't stop Big D from controlling me? Maybe because I didn't understand how he operates. I didn't have the exact answer right now. Will find it some day, for sure.

But, somehow, as time goes by, and as I spent much more time with myself, I found solace in Al-Quran. I know al-Quran is the cure to every illness, words that soothe our soul but I never bring myself forth to open the Holy Book. One fine night, as my roomates asleep, I woke up in the middle of the night, say my prayer to Him, and read the Quran. There, I found my solace that I've been longing for, the kind of comfort that I hadn't felt for a long time, the comfort and reassurance that I never received from people around me. I cried, again, for a good cause. I will always read the Quran from time to time, to find my solace.

My friends, Allah did not test us to make our lives hard. He gave us trials and tribulations because He want to test our iman and He want us to remember Him. Syaitan is part our test. Syaitan works in mysterious ways and so to combat him, we must do what Allah says, that is to seek refuge with Allah by remembering Him by doing dhikr and one of the best ways of doing dhikr is by reading the Quran. Come my friends, let us all read the Quran as it will be our light in the grave, our hujah in the hereafter and as our shield against the desires of syaitan. Insya-Allah, everything will be alright.

' And if an evil whisper comes to you from syaitan, then seek refuge with Allah. Verily, He is All Hearer, the All Knower.....' (7:200).

Edit 4: this is a reminder to me, a humble servant, who's always fail His test.

* Big D, you used to be friend that I care so much. But because of you, I hurt others and I hurt me the most. Now we are no longer friends. I declare you as my enemy. Please stay away from me. I wanna be happy again. You're my test.

Thank You.